When is helping not helping? When it takes away self-confidence. “Come here, let me show you how it’s done…” The intent is to help, but what the receiver of this message often hears is “You are not doing it properly… you are not good enough”. The words and the tone usually drown out the help that is on offer. A team sends me a presentation to review, and I with all my experience and expertise find 10 things they have missed and tell them what they can do to improve it. I think I am helping. If I am not careful, they may leave the meeting with drooping shoulders… “Ok, we better go and do all that – a feeling of not being good enough and overwhelmed”. The presentation may have gotten better, but has the team? Are they feeling better about themselves? Has the feedback really helped in the way I hoped it would?
“You have got to do this”… Vs. “You got this”. I was reminded about the power of this idea of empowerment in a meeting recently. A founder of a successful business enterprise, meeting me for the first time made the effort to explain in detail the philosophy that drove them to start the business, the current market situation as they viewed it, and the strong belief they have in PR as a discipline that can help them grow. The conversation helped sharpen the focus of our efforts and more importantly, gave the team clarity and confidence. A week later the ideas that emerged were full of creative energy. The unlock was the meeting that helped identify how we could support them not in an instructional, “just do this…” kind of way, but in an encouraging way that challenged us to think about what more and what else we could do.
This feeling of “I can do this… I want to do this…” and the conviction of “I am going to do this…” comes from deep within. A simple, yet powerful shift from “you have got to do this…” that is often disempowering, that takes away a sense of consultancy and ownership is replaced by a feeling that stems from “you got this… I trust you; you can do it…”
Autonomy and Authenticity. Bringing my best self to work and feeling that I have the freedom to try it my way is what leads to the highway of progress. Autonomy catalyses consultancy, adds authenticity to the mix and you get powerful, original work. People feel empowered and this brings innovation and creativity out to play and into the solution mix. The doing is driven by this energy of “I want to…and let me think of what else I can do…” and shifts away from the instruction led “I have to do what my boss said…or else”
Anxiety is often a roadblock. I’m not good enough. I’m not doing enough if it comes from fear, which is disempowering. When the roadblock is removed, it often results in an insight that can only come from a place of abundance and clarity, which is absolutely catalysing to do more and be more.
Universe vs ‘you’niverse. Bringing the universe and the ‘you’niverse into unity is where your power lies. A quote from Ellen DeGeneres that resonates deeply says “Find out who you are and be that person”. I am on a path of discovery, having looked in the mirror and got a glimpse of the real me, the real work is now to have the courage to bring that me out into the world every day. There are days and weeks when I lose sight of that me, but they are thankfully less and less as I practice shining the light on my soul, I shine brighter in the world.
I firmly believe PR works the same way. Strong reputations are built on this kind of inner work that companies do to understand who they are and why they exist. With this clarity at the core, building a brand and a set of stories around it is truly impactful Public Relations at work.
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A trusted coaching and communications professional, Nikhil Dey is a certified life and leadership coach (International Coach Federation - ICF). Nurturing talent and helping clients achieve their goals is what makes him happy. He loves learning from students of communication, teaching courses and guest lecturing at various educational institutions. When he is not working you will find him on the tennis court or out for long walks with his family and four legged friends.
Previously he has held senior leadership positions at Weber Shandwick and Genesis BCW.
He can be reached on twitter @deydreaming
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