Doing nothing takes some doing

A day spent doing absolutely nothing at the Ooty club is a hard earned privilege. We (my wife and I) have waited for this moment all year. The special few days when we get to spend uninterrupted time with our son during his fleeting visit back home from university in the US.

When he arrives there is always a whirlwind of activity. Jet lag. Friends. Favourite food. Extended Family. All grabbing for his attention. As parents we try to fit a lot into his schedule, to fill him up with the familiar tastes of home. And yet, after his departure there is this gnawing feeling that we have lost touch with him and what is happening in his life. This year the wise one (my better half) came up with a plan to carve out some time for just the three of us. A two night stay at the Ooty club. I can say with certainty that it was one of her best ideas.

My contribution to this little get away was to suggest we go nowhere and do nothing, once we had found our way to this oasis in the middle of tourist filled Ooty. It was so very tempting to make a plan to show both of them all the sights and sounds of the Nilgiris. Having gone to boarding school in the blue hills as they are often called, there were many old haunts and old friends to catch up with. But we decided to dedicate the day to each other and to exploring the beautiful club.

Morning coffee on the veranda, Bloody Mary in the afternoon sun, many games of table tennis, a wood fire in the room, a lovely walk around the gardens and way too many calories in the grand dining room helped us connect – With each other and with nature. Conversations ebbed and flowed punctuated with comforting silences that added comas to the day.

“Can you show me how to tie a tie…” no amount of YouTube videos can replace this perfect father and son moment. With jackets and ties (borrowed from my father), and the wisdom of my wife, we found our way back together, as a family unit within the larger family.

Introducing him to the buttoned up experience of a club bar and watching him in “man mode” was an important reminder to us that a boy left home and a young man returned. Being suited and booted up builds your confidence and to watch him at ease chatting with strangers was a confidence building moment for me. It was another small but significant moment when I felt he was going to be just fine on his own, because he knows how to hold his own (and his drink!). He is as comfortable in his round neck tee-shirt and shorts as he was in his grandpa’s jacket and tie. When I sent a picture on the family WhatsApp group, grandpa’s response “the transformation is remarkable” sums it up perfectly.

The sound of wind blowing through the tree tops. The fire crackling and popping as logs moved to get more comfortable. A crisp winter morning with rays of sun that warmed our hearts and allowed us to feel a little of the closeness we so longed for seems to have bridged the chasm of distance and long periods of separation. A day spent doing nothing was a day spent being a family. It is not easy to press pause and just be with each other. For this very reason doing nothing is a hard earned privilege that we must all fight to preserve. It is what will preserve us in the end.

As the year comes to a close and a new one beckons, here is me reminding myself and all of you to pencil in some “doing nothing” time. There is absolutely nothing quite like it to help you connect with whatever or whoever matters most to you, starting with yourself.

In the world of business and corporate reputation the equivalent would be the annual offsite. Creating the space and dedicating some time for the core group of people who need to get together to get back in touch with what the business needs is so important. Blue skies thinking and looking back to move forward all require a bit of “doing nothing together” time as a leadership team. When the doing pauses, the being begins.