Every week I ask myself “what touched you in a way that stood out? … what did you learn about yourself and your world?” And the answers flow, the writing comes easy. This week somehow, I seemed to have got writers block. Am not sure if it’s the whirlwind of activity surrounding a wedding, or if it’s the wedding itself – such a momentous occasion, that I was unable to process my emotions.
The backdrop of Dad not being well and my family from India not being able to be part of this joyful occasion, made it all the more significant. A reminder that life must be embraced and celebrated.
What started out as a small affair with close family in attendance, I am happy to report blossomed into a full-blown wedding. Festivities began with a glorious thanksgiving lunch, followed by a Mehendi party and then in the midst of a snowstorm, a heartwarming wedding ceremony. There was singing and dancing and laughter and tears all wrapped up in the union of two families, brought together by a college romance that found a way through time zones and cultural differences.
A wonderful reminder that we are more alike than we are different. Food, family, ritual and traditions of different kinds woven together so beautifully. A garland exchange and the exchange of rings seemed to fit together perfectly in the ceremony, like the lovely couple.
For me the biggest gift of all was being asked by them to officiate the wedding. I slipped right into the role of Rev. Dey as if I was built for it. Maybe all the years of honing my communications skills, holding space and facilitating workshops found a new avatar.
I often say that it is at the fractal fringes of different experiences that magic happens. In the professional world of communications and coaching, the way two different capabilities get married into something new has helped me find my unique voice in both worlds. There are times to speak, others to simply listen and most important always show up, be present and be grateful for the opportunity to be of service to others.
I must admit, I was nervous going into the ceremony. The before and after of this moment is possibly my learning for the week.
Before. A bit worried honestly. “Will I do right by them. Make their special day special?” The responsibility of honouring their wishes and not messing up their special moment felt heavy. And then I keep reminding myself the words matter, but it’s the energy that is transmitted that matters more. I must show up with laughter and joy.
Son asked me for help with his “thank you” speech. I am not sure if I helped as he has his own way of doing things. Finally, we reached an agreement. I would give him his space and circle back in an hour. While he was writing I would get ready and while he gets ready, I would be available to help him. My presence is what he said he needed. Wise man indeed. I hope that i did manage to show up fully present, with non-judgemental curiosity. Difficult for a parent to do. But try we must.
After, makes it all seem worth it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained is what I am reminded about, from this wonderful wedding. I feel deep gratitude to be a part of their special day in a truly unique way. I had a view from the driver’s seat as I witnessed their happiness and blessed the two of them. A memory that will last a lifetime.
It was for sure a big step forward for the couple. But what I did not anticipate, was the growing up moment it was for me. I felt happy for their happiness, but a tinge of sadness for the distance between us. I realised that he is not coming back home in a hurry because he is now making a home of his own.
A few stolen moments, getting him to the church on time, was when I was back in the old dad mode. And then, I had to step into Rev. Dey mode and now I have to step back and allow whatever comes next to emerge. Keep moving forward, keep growing, one moment at a time.
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