Last week, I ran into an iceberg moment with my son. The “icebergs in my life” or triggers that bring out the beast in me, rather than the best, seems to be what comes into my consciousness, as I reflect on my lessons from the week gone by.
It was a moment when I lost control. Where I was unable to suspend my agenda, I ran headlong into my son with opinions and advice. At the end of my 15-minute rant, all I had achieved was to get my BP up and helped my son to possibly shut down from hearing anything remotely helpful that I may have had to offer. I’m sure my wife (and possibly his) was not left unharmed in the wake of this clash, so there were wider implications than just my son and me having a run-in.
The irony of this is not lost on me. I’m enrolled in a coaching course called Deep Coaching Intensive (DCI), and two of the guiding principles are “slow it all down” and “release your agenda”. In the classroom, these seemed brilliant and in the real world, how easily I got derailed. To understand something and to embody it are completely different.
In a coaching conversation with a client (who I have sought permission from to borrow this phrase, which I have reference below), I found a parallel. The context was completely different, but my client, who was very happy with the progress being made on many fronts, said: “…it was all going fine till I ran into the iceberg of their stupidity”.
It reminded me that we all have icebergs. They are in our path. Often just out of our conscious visibility, till we strike them. They are the triggers that make us say and do things we regret.
I did find the good sense and courage to apologise to my son for my outburst. And he had the grace to accept my apology, and happily we are both back in alignment, charting our course forward, hopefully without too much lasting damage.
It is not that my son was unwilling to receive my advice. The way I offered it, without pausing to listen and understand where he was coming from, caused the problem. If I had in fact slowed down and let go if my agenda, I would have been much better placed to offer him my experience and perspective to help form his own.
The parallels in the world of Reputation Management seem to lie in the arena of preparedness. Doing the work of mapping the terrain, identifying vulnerabilities and possible problem areas, and preparing for the moments when we could be triggered to react rather than respond is best practice. And even then, when we least expect it, sometimes an unavoidable iceberg moment can still happen.
Saying a heartfelt sorry (and meaning it) can often be the best communication bridge back to a healthy equation with the stakeholders impacted by the run in.
Companies that merely understand this prepare issues and crisis manuals. Those who embody it cultivate a crisis response mindset in their leadership teams. Having a plan “in place” is valuable. But being able to put it “in use” requires regular practice and a shift in the being of the organisation. This is where culture communication and crisis communications meet. One feeds the other and makes it easier to navigate organisational iceberg moments.
What are your “Iceberg Moments”? Those people, places or situations that trigger you to react in ways that you later regret. If you stay alert and aware, you can respond next time. And that subtle but significant shift in energy makes all the difference. The Iceberg is still there, and so are you, both co-existing allowing each other the space that creates sustainable growth.
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