On the flight back to India, I watched the grand finale of Downton Abbey, and this line struck a chord “Our lives are lived in chapters and there’s nothing wrong when a chapter is done and a new one begins” – Mrs. Patmore, the head cook, talking to Daisy her protégé about how she feels when getting ready to embrace her next chapter in life.
Maybe it’s because I feel like a new chapter has begun in my life. At my son’s wedding, among the many emotions that I experienced, the one I was not anticipating was a twinge of sadness. The realisation that it would never be the same again fills me with happiness and gratitude, as he has truly grown up and is on his way to a new life. And yet the bittersweet reminder that there is no going back to the way things were showed itself to me. I needed to hear Mrs Patmore’s wisdom to help put this in perspective.
I feel like this year has been a whirlwind of activity. I have been living out of a suitcase since January and dealt with waves of uncertainty and change. The 24-hour journey back from the US to India gave me time to pause and reflect. Was I trying to pack too much into two weeks? Not meeting my son for a year and a half and wanting to drink in every minute with him made me greedy for his time and attention. Getting used to the new equations – him a married man, me a father-in-law and all the changes that come with it, for both our families, was like trying to drink from a fire-hose.
Marrying the wise words of Lao Tzu, “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished”, with the pragmatism of Mrs Patmore made me ask myself, “What’s the rush? “
The wisdom here is to allow change to emerge at its own pace. It’s important to recognise that the shifts a marriage brings take time for all involved to absorb. Creating the space, watering and nurturing the relationship is the responsibility of all involved. They say it takes a village to raise a child; I feel it takes many villages to support a marriage. While we came together recently to raise a toast to them, now we must (each in our own way) play a role in allowing them the space to build something new, supported by the invisible threads that bind us all together.
The role and importance of traditions to hold our hand through change shone through at the wedding. East and West did, in fact, meet. In Italy, the tradition of using sugared almonds (called confetti) filled in a sachet as a gift at weddings is called bomboniera. The almonds represent the five things people want for the newlyweds: health, wealth, happiness, fertility, and long life. This Italian was brought alive with Indian flair, courtesy of beautiful handmade bags sourced from India, which served as the container for the almonds. The note read “An Italian tradition, with an Indian flair.
The coming together of two families of two cultures and of multiple traditions was a joy to witness. When I said, “I now present you for the first time ever, Mr and Mrs Dey…” I was also introduced to the tradition of guests blowing bubbles on the newly married couple as they walked down the aisle. The first dance saw the couple wrapped in ribbons on the dance floor. The idea I am told is for all the guests to wrap the couple in love, which the ribbons signify. The Indian tradition of Shagun, which involves an exchange of gifts and its significance, to mark the beginning of a new familial relationship, was also woven into the fabric of the wedding.
Change is never easy. Even when it is authored and orchestrated with the best intentions, it’s difficult to embrace the new without making space to allow some of the old to give way.
How does all this link to the world of communication? To me, the parallels between this happy occasion and what it takes to build and nurture a meaningful corporate identity seem to have a lot in common. Reputation is built around core values and carried forward through culture. It’s not the poster on the wall alone (marriage certificate) or the new logo unveil and town hall (ceremony and reception) that makes it come alive. Corporate identity and reputation are born out of mission and vision statements and pledges but brought alive in everyday actions. It’s how we behave when nobody is watching. It’s how each employee embraces the new identity and honours it. I am reminded of the Bomboniera. An empty container and what we choose to fill it with seems to be a perfect metaphor for a marriage or a corporate reputation. It’s the everyday actions that define who we are and how we honour our commitments.
Holding on to what’s meaningful, building on and around what needs to be honoured is what makes for a corporate or brand identify that grows and evolves with the times. Sometimes it’s a brand extension. Sometimes it’s a shift in values. Most times it’s a bit of both.
The doing and the being must evolve. A new chapter awaits all of us. As long as it remains rooted in our past, and we hold on to traditions that matter, we will grow and evolve together.
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