Attending the weekly team meeting, as I sit in the room and glance around the conference table, I pick up a sense of the group’s energy. Who is sitting where? This is just one tiny element that gets completely lost in a ‘Zoom’ or ‘Teams’ meeting, which neatly packages people into tiny boxes and presents a panel of equi-sized tiles. Mostly with the camera off, so there is no way of knowing what’s happening behind the photograph or the initials of the person. The people on screen are neatly organised and hidden from view. I can read the people in the room, and they can read me. Aura, energy, and level of engagement show up when I am present.
Popping up on a screen vs popping up in person – both are ways of showing up, but they are not the same. This is not about the work-from-home versus work-from-office debate (WFH vs. WFO). This is about the quality of my presence. Who gets me? And how well do I get them, and what’s going on in their lives? This is about doing the right things for the right reasons.
Who is sitting on the right and left hand of the boss? Who is sitting in the first row? Who is smiling at whom? Who is looking downcast? Reading the room can only happen if I am in the room. Even more important, after the meeting, who lingers? Who is having a side conversation with whom? – the coffee and corridor conversation that gives me an insight into what was unsaid in the room. When I show up, there is so much that shows itself.
“What do you think, Nikhil?” Maybe that question would not have been asked of me if I were not in the room. My answer then sets in play a chain reaction that shifts the energy of the meeting. If I were hundreds of miles away, shrunk into a tiny tile online, maybe my view would not have come to the surface. Showing up requires me to show myself and others that I’m there, with them.
This was just one reminder to me about the importance of showing up in person. Showing up at home is equally important. Being there with my loved ones at different times to show them that I am with them matters. This balancing act of deciding who gets me in person and who gets my online presence has been a learning lesson for me over the last 6 months.
Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the support technology provides to make it possible to show up in all these different places and play all these roles. I am grateful for the understanding that those who have less of me have displayed, and the trust that I have from them is a gift. I am reminding myself and anyone reading this not to for a minute think that just because I logged in online, my presence is felt in the same way. It’s a way of managing distance and multiple roles, but in-person presence is a must to truly show up.
The lunch that I get to share with my colleagues. The lunch I enjoyed with my client during a workshop. The lunch that I get to enjoy with my parents. The lunch that I get to luxuriate in with my wife and slip Cookie some cheat eats. These moments are life, and what makes life special. There are no free lunches. For every choice I make about where I show up, there is somewhere I am not showing up, and this is the price to be paid. Being mindful of how important my physical presence is and finding a way to balance who I break bread with and where I have lunch is my learning for the week.
Where are you having your lunch today? What does that tell you? What you feed grows. What you starve withers. Balance in this context is not about equality, but about equity. It also needs to factor in context and need, mine and others.
Showing up is not easy. Showing up is not convenient. Showing up is hard. Gaur Gopal Das’s quote seems like a good note to end on “Positive energy isn’t about being happy all the time – it’s about showing up with hope, even when it’s heavy” or inconvenient, especially when its inconvenient.
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