The obsessive ‘I, me and myself mindset’

It seems like my last column ‘The terrible anger mindset’ stirred up our readers. The few calls I received were all about the fact that while learning to develop and relearn are important, unlearning and letting go of negative qualities were more important. As I mentioned in my last article my next few musings would be on negative qualities that we have which deter our progress. While we chose and evolve to aspirational mindsets, some of these negative mindsets can undo all our efforts. The priority of sustainable progress therefore hinges on transformation from inherent negative mindsets to positive mindsets. When we have cancer, the Doctor recommends operation to get rid of the cancerous part in our body to survive. Negative mindsets are like cancer. No less!

We are all born selfish in various degrees of intensity. Its good to put ourselves first. In fact, its natural. But if our only 3 friends, are I, me and myself, you will never resonate to collective progress or even empathy. Team work will remain a dream. How do we move up our game, how do we move out of our obsessive ‘I, me and myself’?

Relationships are gold plated

Your bank balance is a variable. Life will always be a mix of success and failure. People will come and go in your life but your network will continue to be your most steady net worth. Relationships you build will support and sustain your progress and nurture you. Good relationships are like a well-maintained garden patch you walk into. The grass is levelled, flowers in full bloom with butterflies floating around. But like pleasant garden patches and lawns they don’t just grow on their own. You have to put in a huge amount of effort and tender loving care. Building good relationships at work or your personal lives needs you to think and care about others. Being self-centred results in just transactional relationships. Stop being selfish and you will create gold plated relationships

Mindful empathy

Empathy is a natural ability to put yourself in the shoes of the other, understand their pain and understand their point of view. If you have a mindset which is all about you, you will only care about yourself, ignoring the needs of others. You can reduce your selfishness by mindful empathy. Which just means that you will consciously gauge the mindset of others their pain and obstacles. People will resonate much more with you, they will be faster to connect and easier to work with. When you are a leader, you can only be effective if you can lead others on the path of success. Understand your team and their drawbacks and their strengths. Make them feel comfortable, genuinely care for them and see the results they create for you. But first eject from the ‘I, me and myself’ mindset!

Giving back

The biggest problem with people who are obsessed with themselves is that they focus on what they can grab or take. They don’t know how to give back. For them any relationship is transactional and is focussed on what maximum they can get out of it. Giving back generously elevates you to another bigger than life level. If only people who are self-obsessed ever realised that when you give, you get more, they would transform. With giving back now becoming a global culture even businesses have to give back to various stakeholders. These include employees and communities. Its no more about just making profits but more about social impact. Even the UN recommend 17 Social Development Goals which organisations are getting aligned to through CSR & ESG Practices.


Evolve from an obsessive ‘I, me and myself’ mindset to a collaborative mindset and see and feel the difference in your personal and professional life. Lead better, feel better and sleep better!

“It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed” Napolean Hill

The views and opinions published here belong to the author and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the publisher.

Amitesh Banerjee
Amitesh is a seasoned positive integrated communications disruptor with several years of multi- country/multi- domain experience. He has worked for reputed organisations in senior leadership positions including JWT, ITC, New Zealand Dairy Board, Seychelles Marketing Board, Perfect Relations, Genesis BCW, Adfactors, Della Group, H+K Strategies among others. Amitesh is Senior Vice President of Beanstalk Asia- a leading Integrated Marketing Communications firm.

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