Last week Mark Vandeneijnde, hosted a session about ‘Being in Flow’ as part of a program called ‘Conversations That Matter’. The ability to stay centred in challenging times, is what it promised to shine a light on. I was unable to attend the full session because I had to be at another event, but I wanted to get a peek into the conversations. I took the liberty of dropping in online for a few minutes, just to stay connected to this wonderful group on its voyage of discovery. When I logged in, the question being answered by each person – “What makes you, you?”
I could not benefit from the richness and diversity of views that others shared, as I was there for such a short time. But even those few minutes touched my life and stayed with me. The choices we make matter. I chose to show up there just for a few minutes and received this beautiful question. “What makes you, you?”
The answer that emerged for me was “I see myself through the eyes of others.” The kind of son, brother, boyfriend, husband, father, boss, colleague, communicator, coach, tennis player and all the other versions of me that exist are shaped by how my significant and sometimes insignificant others see me. All of them make me – me, is what I first concluded. Later as I reflect more on this fleeting thought, I realise that I actually see myself, basis how I perceive others see me, for I have no way of really knowing how they see me. How I see me, is who I am. My inner world defines me. My world is defined by my perception and the glasses that I look through. My worldview, my values, my mood, my health, my mindset are all the Instagram filters that I apply and then the others emerge in a particular hue and in them I see myself.
Somewhere between ‘my truth’, ‘your truth, and ‘the truth’ the truth of our time emerges. There are some eternal truths (the insights that communicators are always in search of for the universal appeal) for, in them lies the ability for many people to look at the same thing and see it in a similar way. This dance between me being me (my unique world view) and the conditioned me (molded by society and all its guardrails, is the intersection that PR plays in. Trying its best to shape opinion and mold behaviour in service of various agendas. The need for responsibility and ethics in our, or any profession stems from this reality. If we allow ourselves to say “the ends justify the means” it may be the end of all of us. The ends themselves one hopes and assumes are noble and righteous.
The day after this question came into my line of sight, I found this quote online and felt like it spoke to me “The world is filled with countless perspectives, each defining you differently. But in the end only one view truly matters. Your own. So, live in a way that honours your truth, because you cannot control how others see you.” – letters of Annawin.
Control is a strong word and while we cannot control, we can definitely own our narrative and nurture and build relationships of trust and mutual understanding. When we choose those who matter to us (our audience) and seek to ensure that we have a shared interest in seeing things in similar ways, we are doing the work of public relations. Or even when our viewpoints differ, the ability and desire to hold each other in good stead is the aim. PR when practised well is in pursuit of this kind of a world. The move towards sustainable living is one such area where all the power of change communication and the prowess of PR can and must play its role.
What makes me me ? The first thought I had was about who me is in the context of others. On deeper reflection I realise it’s not how they see me, but how I see myself (in relation to all of them) that defines me. The time I spend with my tribe of seekers in the “conversations that matter” helps me see myself. The time I spend with my coach helps me examine my truth. My being and doing in the PR world grow stronger from this place of clarity.
Kate Atkinson’s book ‘A God in Ruins’ which I picked up this morning, coincidentally has this line on page 17 “Tell me more about yourself, Izzie said… and the answer that follows on the next page “Well, I’m eleven years old”. “I know that silly… What makes you, you? What do you like doing? Who are your friends?…”.
I am reminded that I must always weigh (my) others’ opinions because they matter, but they should not weigh me down. I am more than the opinions others have of me. I always have been. I am just getting to see that clearly now. A glimpse of who I am has emerged in the last few years. I can look in the mirror and smile. As Mark says “When the being comes alive, the doing thrives… we are all on a journey back home to who we really are.” Maybe there are no coincidences. I need to look deeper within and keep answering that question “What makes me, me?” for myself. What about you?
The views and opinions published here belong to the author and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the publisher.
A trusted coaching and communications professional, Nikhil Dey is a certified life and leadership coach (International Coach Federation - ICF). Nurturing talent and helping clients achieve their goals is what makes him happy. He loves learning from students of communication, teaching courses and guest lecturing at various educational institutions. When he is not working you will find him on the tennis court or out for long walks with his family and four legged friends.
Previously he has held senior leadership positions at Weber Shandwick and Genesis BCW.
He can be reached on twitter @deydreaming
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