I am not sure why, but I had significant discomfort asking people for help till about a few years ago. Maybe, I expected too much from myself, did not want to sound incompetent, was too proud to ask for help, or wanted to avoid the discomfort of being rejected. Several of us may have gone through this hesitation in our lives and may have suffered because of it.
Things have not changed dramatically for me. However, there certainly has been a significant improvement. I can now ask for help from people I know well and am okay if they don’t offer it. I am not going to analyze how this change came about, because honestly, no one instance led to a sudden revelation. Unfortunately, yours truly is no Buddha, and the circle of enlightenment is beyond my reach, at least in this lifetime. I think that the change must have occurred gradually and has become noticeable now. I will focus on how I noticed this change in my behavior and why it would be beneficial to share this with others.
Let me start by answering the question, Why now?
Recently, my team and I assisted an organisation in pulling off a significant thought-leadership event. I had reached out to several people to be speakers for that event. Most of them were former bosses or former colleagues, and a couple of them were acquaintances. As the platform was for a start-up and the speakers were the who’s who of the corporate world, my approach was to request them to help me. The best part is that an overwhelming majority agreed to help. I cannot thank them enough for their help. It was for the first time I noticed that I was comfortable asking people to help me. It is the trigger for this blog!
When I started my entrepreneurial journey, I did not know where to start. A friend I was not even in regular touch with, offered to help me without even asking. He went out of the way to help me set up my consultancy. The first few months were extremely crucial for me, and his help has been invaluable. Another instance that I want to narrate is from my personal life. There was a mammoth personal project that I had undertaken around three years back. Unfortunately, the project got stuck due to the unprofessional conduct of some of the parties involved. Several unforeseen circumstances, which can best be described as force majeure complicated the situation further. The stakes were pretty high – both from a monetary angle as well as from an emotional standpoint. The circumstances were such that despite my best efforts, the situation had reached a state of stalemate. I reached out to two people for help, who shall remain unnamed in this blog. I am glad that I reached out to them as their aid was way beyond my expectations. As the situation went from bad to worse, they went out of their way to support me with all possible means.
And, now to answer the second question – why am I sharing this with you? First things first – had I not reached out to them, the project would not have got completed even now. My relatives and I would have suffered a substantial financial loss, and as it had a lot of emotions attached, it would have meant significant emotional turmoil as well. Notwithstanding the actual outcome, if I had not reached out, I would not have received help. Even if the outcome was different, the fact that I had their support, meant a lot. It made me stronger and bolder in facing adversity. Sometimes, we underestimate the sheer value of having someone in your corner.
The other part of the equation is how one reacts when the other is not able to help. There are two ways of responding – consider it as a personal rebuff and take it to heart or take it in your stride and not let it affect you. It is not that people have not refused to help me. There have been instances where even small favors have been denied. However, if one takes it to heart, one is closing the opportunity for future collaboration. People are helpful by nature and feel good if they can help others. There is no apparent reason why people who have a positive relationship will not help each other if they can. Sometimes, people are busy, pre-occupied, or are dealing with their issues and hence are unable to help.
I am full of gratitude for people who have helped me over the years and happy that I reached out to them. Reaching out for help does not make me any less proud of who I am. Conversely, I make it a point to offer to help people when they reach out. I almost feel obligated to help.
The famous line from Harry Potter, when Professor Dumbledore says, “Help will always be given at Hogwarts, Harry, to those who ask for it.” I feel that it is true in real life as well!
The views and opinions published here belong to the author and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the publisher.
Fortunate to be part of building and protecting reputation of leading organisations and brands across a variety of industry verticals, he has recently founded his unique C-Suite Consulting firm, Kritical Edge.
Previously he has worked in leadership roles with ReNew Power and PepsiCo India among other roles.
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