What makes a ritual and what breaks a ritual?
A birthday without cutting a cake was a new experience for me. As long as I can remember I have been blessed to celebrate my birthday with friends or family who have always had the customary cake show up in some shape or form. This year for the first time there was no cake, though I was still fortunate to have brought in my birthday with my lovely wife and parents at the Golden Temple in Amritsar.
There was no grand plan not to have a cake. Deepa did ask twice if she should get one, and I said no. Calories from kulchas and kebabs and Amritsari chole sounded much more appealing. And just like that a tradition or a birthday ritual was broken. My mom asked me if I wanted to raise a toast in celebration and if I missed not having a drink on my birthday and I realised another habit had taken a pause this year. No birthday cake and no birthday drink. While the cake started much earlier, the birthday drink and raising a glass to say cheers have been part of every celebration since my college days.
Not feeling the need to conform to these birthday tick-in-the-boxes is a moment to reflect on. I am unsure what it means other than “You are getting old dude!” I am sure that is part of it, birthdays mark the passage of time, but they are also milestones in life’s journey. A wonderful day to pause and reflect. To drink life in and have a slice of the present moment. Thankful for all the wishes that poured over me from friends and family around the world. Grateful for the chance to say a prayer with people I love, allowed to step back from the doing of life, and just be with them. A birthday without cake and no drink in hand, but much to cheer about.
Back to my original question, what makes or breaks a ritual? I think communication plays a powerful role and self-awareness. We are meaning makers and cutting a cake and raising a glass have traditionally been the markers of a celebration. Making the day special for someone is what they mean. Reframing that to being with family and doing something special together still marks the occasion. The ritual continues but the habit or tradition of cake cutting is put on pause this year.
A ritual requires intention, attention, and repetition. As a PR professional, this makes me think about the power of having a simple message (based on deep insight – with good intention) and using that to hold attention by repetition. Like many other aspects of life, the power of compounding holds true in PR as well.
Find an interesting and worthwhile story to tell and keep repeating it and over time, it builds into a ritual and becomes a habit or a tradition. Our thoughts become our words and they frame our actions. Cheers to the power of PR and birthdays as moments to reflect on life with intention and attention. A new year beckons, all that’s left is for me to ask myself what part of my life I want to build with repetition, and that over time will define my reputation.
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A trusted coaching and communications professional, Nikhil Dey is a certified life and leadership coach (International Coach Federation - ICF). Nurturing talent and helping clients achieve their goals is what makes him happy. He loves learning from students of communication, teaching courses and guest lecturing at various educational institutions. When he is not working you will find him on the tennis court or out for long walks with his family and four legged friends.
Previously he has held senior leadership positions at Weber Shandwick and Genesis BCW.
He can be reached on twitter @deydreaming
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