After having discovered the power of “Name It to tame it” by Dr. Dan Siegel and using this technique to help bring awareness to what my “worry monsters” are, I am now on a new journey. I am feeling my way through new territory. It is a grand adventure, that I have embarked on, an emotional voyage with no specific destination other than discovery.
I no longer want to just have tamed the monsters, I want to transform them. I am not sure how exactly to go about this emotional adventure because I am brilliant at bottling things up. To allow emotions to the surface and express them somehow has been a sign of weakness or not being in control. However, I now realise it is the opposite. To be able to sit with my emotions and acknowledge them takes a lot of courage and strength.
‘Feel it to heal it’ is like version 3.0 for me to navigate. Using a mobile phone analogy, it feels like I have jumped from edge to 5G and the possibilities that open up are overwhelming. The speed with which data is flowing, and the picture and video quality are so different from the edge world that did not allow much to download.
‘Feeling’ is a new skill that I am trying to learn. I have this cool tool it’s called a feeling wheel – that helps me identify and find the words to explore what my feelings are. I tried maintaining a feeling chart for a week and it was an eye-opening exercise. I was like “wow I did not see that.” “Am I really feeling that?” “If I’m completely honest what else am I feeling ?”
I operate so much from the head that I had lost touch with what my heart was telling me. As a communication professional, I have always maintained that messaging must touch both head and heart. Impactful communication that changes behaviour touches the mind and also pulls at the heartstrings. It’s about time I started practicing what I preach, with no strings attached.
One of the reasons I find writing cathartic is that in sharing my thoughts (and more recently my feelings) through words, I am processing them. The 30 minutes it takes for me to reflect on the week gone by and jot down my learnings is space created to allow some feelings to find their way to the surface. Most of the time I end up staying in the naming and taming zone. But every so often I start into ‘feel and heal’ territory. This column #LeftBrainRightBrain, has helped me in connecting with myself and with so many wonderful people.
What am I feeling as I write this? Nervous, scared and a bit fearful that I am over-sharing. I started with worried and then looked up my feeling wheel and found a whole new vocabulary that added texture to worry. Exposed and a bit vulnerable I think is the closest to what I am feeling right now. The explorer in me is finding new shores and I am sure the healing will follow soon. It feels a bit like the first rays of sunshine that open up new possibilities and frame the start of day, warming and lighting up my world. A perfect present to myself on my 51st birthday, as I feel my way into the 50s.
How are you feeling today?
The views and opinions published here belong to the author and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the publisher.
A trusted coaching and communications professional, Nikhil Dey is a certified life and leadership coach (International Coach Federation - ICF). Nurturing talent and helping clients achieve their goals is what makes him happy. He loves learning from students of communication, teaching courses and guest lecturing at various educational institutions. When he is not working you will find him on the tennis court or out for long walks with his family and four legged friends.
Previously he has held senior leadership positions at Weber Shandwick and Genesis BCW.
He can be reached on twitter @deydreaming
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