“I wrote a position paper, and it was approved without any changes”, said Aparna to me.
“Wow! That is simply amazing you must be feeling super proud.”
“No, I am, I don’t know quite what – I wrote it but when it got published it did not have my name on it.”
“Hold on”, said I. “Did you point it out to your manager?”
Hesitantly Aparna confessed that she had not. She was after all a new joinee. Hardly two months into the system. The published paper carried her manager’s name, a seasoned professional and rightly so, she justified.
“Well, if you think that is right what makes you upset”, I asked her.
“Something is not right. I do all the hard work and get no recognition.”
“What do you think will happen if you mention this to your manager?” And she gave me a contemplative look…
Two days later, Aparna pinged me to say that she had picked up her courage to speak with her manager and share her thought. The manager agreed to her point of view and Aparna got her byline.
What if Aparna had not spoken her mind or listened to her feelings?
Many of us do that – we do not voice our feelings for fear of repercussion.
But the deep question really is – are you aware of what you are feeling?
If you name it, you can tame it.
Coined by Daniel Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA, the phrase means that when you name your feeling when you are stressed, it actually reduces the level of stress/anxiety you feel. Being aware of your feelings in that moment helps you not just recognise them but also look at viable options on how to deal with them.
When Aparna was able to name her feeling as that of anger and injustice, she gathered the courage to speak to her manager and the outcome was in her favour. If she had not touched base with her feelings, the anger would have stayed with her and made her further distrust not just the manager but also the organisation and it would have potentially spilled over to her colleagues as well.
It is a vicious cycle, and we have all experienced it in some time or the other in our career journey. We get ourselves worked into an emotional storm that leaves us drained of energy and depleted of our ability to think right. And when that feeling passes by, it can only further frustrate us.
Channelising your emotions
What do we do when we are overwhelmed by strong emotions?
The first step is to name it – in the above case, Aparna realised she was angry.
Once you have acknowledged your emotion/feeling, it is okay to stay with it for some time. You may want to say it out loudly. This way you are not scared of your own emotions. You can then start making friends with them and that very act will calm you down. You are now no longer allowing your emotions to hijack your thought process and the skill to think of solutions.
Strengthen your ability to monitor your emotions – name it to tame it!
The views and opinions published here belong to the author and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the publisher.
As an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) from the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and Senior Practitioner (Mentoring) from the European Council of Mentoring and Coaching (EMCC), Sarita specializes in career transition, inner engineering and life issues. Sarita enjoys writing and is passionate about animals, books, and movies.
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